Master of the Universe
Or How to do a trackstand
Have you ever wanted to be the master of the universe? Me too. I’m afraid I don’t have the slightest idea how to achieve that though – sorry. But I do know how you can make people wonder if you might be. In fact, for a brief moment, they might even think you are.
Many of you that tune in here probably ride a bicycle from time to time and some of you probably even do it on a regular basis. But I bet only a tiny fraction of you, if any at all, can do a trackstand. You know what I mean right? That’s where you bring the bike to a full stop and balance in place without putting your feet down. It’s called a trackstand because it originated as a tactic in track cycling. Before the advent of clipless pedals (which are pedals that you clip into) track cyclists used to tape their feet to the pedals to maximize the transmission of their muscle power to the pedals. If you’ve ever been fortunate enough to have seen a bicycle race in a velodrome you know what I mean. Well, you can do it on a regular bike too, any time you want, no track required. I’ll tell you how.
All you need to do is stop your bike, keep your balance and hold it there. Voila – you’re doing it! No? OK, no, I know it’s not that easy, but there really isn’t a ton more to it. As with all really cool tricks it looks harder than it is and really only takes some determination and practice. Here’s the step by step:
1) Pick a place in a parking lot where there's a slight incline (or on the street in front of your house or some other safe place where you don’t have to worry about getting run over if you fall). Face the bike up said incline. On second thought, when you very first try this out the more incline the better.
2) Standing up on the pedals, roll to a stop steadily but gradually. Just as you come to a full stop, smoothly but quickly turn your front wheel 75 - 90 degrees to one side or the other. Which side is a personal preference and is something that you can sort out as you give it a few tries.
3) As you turn the front wheel, position your pedals so that they're level with the ground and the one that’s on the inside of your front wheel is pointing forward. In other words, if your wheel is pointing left then your left pedal would be the forward one.
4) OK, here’s the meat of it: before you fall over you need to find your balance point and stay as close to it as you can. Once you’ve found it you’ll feel yourself tipping forward or backward. If it’s forward you put a little pressure on that front pedal. If you’re tipping back you let the bike drift backwards a fraction (using the incline of the road surface). You can feather the brakes a little bit too if need be.
5) Now practice, practice, practice. The idea is to rock ever so slightly back and forth on that turned front wheel. To make it work you just have to decide you’re going to do it and then practice until you’ve got it down. After you give it a few tries you might even find that you do one or more of the steps I’ve outlined in the opposite or different way. That’s OK, it’s all about what works for you. This works for me so it’s what I know. However you do it, at some point it’s just going to click and you’ll start to get it. Then the better you get the less incline you need and the faster you can go from moving to stopped to grandstanding - er - trackstanding.
So what does this have to do with the whole master of the universe thing you may be asking. Well, 99.9 percent of people think that when you stop your bicycle you put your foot down. I mean, duh. But now you know better. Once you get the skill down you can start your ride and not put a foot down until the ride is finished. Why? Because you can.
Nothing says you are the master of your universe like defying gravity.
Addendum:
While out riding my bike today and showing off my mastery of all things, I realized I forgot a little bit of advice that some of you might want to keep in mind. I mean, there’s always one in every crowd that doesn’t seem to get this.
While doing a trackstand at a crowded stop light is a guarantee to have everyone within view staring at you (they'll either be ever so slightly impressed or making wagers about whether you’re a) going to fall all the way down and chip a tooth or b) just far enough to make an ass out of yourself ) you really must do yourself a favor and resist the urge to look around to see if they’re looking. At first you’re probably going to be just staring at your front wheel the entire time because moving your head will throw you off balance - and that's game over. Eventually, though, you’ll be able to look around and watch the light, check traffic in different directions, and, if you’re a goofball, look around to see if you’re being watched. Just have faith: your efforts will be duly noted.
Remember that when done properly showing off can be cool. "Properly" means doing it in such a way so that people don’t know you’re showing off. They’ll just think you’re, well, the master of your universe. BUT, make it obvious that you’re showing off and you’ll go from hero to zero faster than you can chip that tooth. Then all that work you’ve put into an absolutely worthless skill will have been for nothing. And what’s the point of that?
Just my two cents. Take it or leave it.
